Translator

By N2H

How to eat while living in a dorm.

You just moved out of the security of Ma and Pop’s and you are moving into the dorm. You have seen all the important and educational films, namely “Animal House” and “Old School.” Now is time to do your checklist. Do you have your class schedule? Check! Do you have your condoms? Check! Do you have your parents wire transfer service picked out? Check! Do you have any food? No! you are going to die of starvation.

For the first time, you just realized that the dorm doesn’t even have a kitchen. I mean how are you going to make food without a kitchen and your mother? It isn’t like you have enough money to eat out everyday, or ever for that matter. Welcome to the grown up world of fending for yourself.

Don’t worry, I got your back.

First off, lets talk finances. You can’t afford anything. You are a broke college student. So you are going to have to find cheap and free food that you can make in a dorm room with a microwave.

Free is nice, but nothing is ever free.

Food Banks: These are great source of free food. Many churches run these food banks. The only thing that it cost you, is your pride. If your pride can’t handle waiting in line with other needy people, then you need to move on to another source of food.

Academic Clubs: And you thought that those physics club geeks were going to talk about physics. Go to the club meeting and eat their food. This will cost you time and you might get suckered into volunteering for something. Note: Not all clubs have food.

Image from http://www.gamil.com/

Fast Food Condiments: This might actually be stealing. I’m not really sure, but you can get free BBQ Sauce, ketchup, hot sauce, and salt & pepper.

Cheap food but remember that you are what you eat.

Ramen Noodles: This stuff is the best food for your buck. It isn’t healthy at all, but it will get your calorie intake up. Mix some canned meat or vegetables in and it might actually be considered a meal.

Instant Rice: It is cheap but tasteless. Just like Ramen, you need to add stuff to this. Maybe not, if you like choking on a bowl full of flavorless rice.

Tuna: Oh my, a cheap food with nutritional value. Put Tuna in a sandwich, add it to your rice or add protein to that bowl of Ramen. Just wash your hands afterward, fishy fingers are not a turn on.

Totino’s Pizza: For about two dollars you can eat this thing they call a Pizza. It isn’t bad, but I don’t think you can legally call this a pizza. It is like a cracker with some ketchup and cheese. This undefinable alleged food has no nutritional value.

Fruits: Yes those things that grow on trees. Apples, bananas and oranges can be kept in a bowl and even taken with you. These also have important things like Vitamins.

Vegetables: You are stuck with canned vegetables since you lack a way to keep things cold. The best part about the ones in a can is, you can eat them right out of it. The one vegetable that you keep out of a can is potato. These can be cooked in the microwave. All you have to do is add some of those fast food condiments and you got yourself a good amount of carbs and potassium.

V8: I don’t care if it does taste like a mix of motor oil and tomato juice, you need vitamins and this car engine lubricant has it.

Peanut Butter and Jelly: This American classic is a must. Just make sure that you have a toothbrush.

There you have it, It might not be the best tasting list of food in history, but you can live on it. I also recommend splurging and getting yourself a good multi-vitamin.

BON APPETIT!